Calculated Failure
by Jaganashi
Summary: From a young age, Donatello must learn that being reliable is more important than being right.


Author's note: It's been a while. Here's to hoping that I'll get back into the swing of writing!

 **Calculated Failure**

Donatello hit the mat hard, his eleven year old frame rolling across the dojo. The sound of another shell making contact with the floor soon followed, then another. By the time the fourth body hit the ground, the room was full of grumbling and complaints. Donnie had righted himself just in time to be pushed back down by an irate Raphael. "What the heck was that, knucklehead?"

Don stood again, rubbing the spot on his head that still throbbed from Splinter's walking stick. His brothers glared at him, moaning and nursing their own bruises. The turtle shrugged helplessly. "It wasn't going to work."

His thighs still stinging from the stick, Mikey whined, "That doesn't mean you leave us all out to dry, bro!" Donatello shook his head, only partly in response to Mikey's complaints. He was also trying to clear his head after the tumble he had just taken. "You don't get it, Mikey. The plan was failed. I ran it through, and there was no way it would have gotten us past Sensei to the other side. I was just saving us the time..." He rubbed his head again, sarcasm rising into his voice. "...and pain of failure."

Leonardo was standing now, pointing a finger at his purple clad brother. His voice was exasperated and full of accusation. "You're supposed to have our backs! It doesn't matter if you think we'll succeed; we do it together!"

Donatello's voice rose in volume, cracking a bit as small prepubescent voices do under stress. He threw his arms up dramatically, gesturing around the room as if the logic of his actions was obvious to anyone who would just look. "So even though I can see the outcome, I'm supposed to get my shell whacked to humor everyone that can't see past their next move? There's no point in doing something that's got a zero percent chance of success! Just take the penalty and figure out a better way to do it in the future."

Raphael shook his fist at the turtle who had dropped the ball. "Just do what I say, when I say it. No need to think." Donatello rolled his eyes and exclaimed with vehemence, "Oh, right! Well, NOT thinking is certainly your specialty!"

Donnie turned to walk out of the dojo, to get away from the heated glares of his brothers. He was stopped short, however, by a tail pulling his legs out from under him.

Splinter looked down at his pupil whose impressive intelligence was as often a hindrance in practice as it was an aid. The small turtle looked up with an expression of pained chagrin. "Plans can change, Donatello. As ninja, you all must remain fluid. Like a powerful river that cuts its path through the woods, you must carry your own momentum and meet the challenges as they come."

A young Leonardo nodded sagely as Donnie looked down and away, not meeting his father's eyes. Raph brushed past, knocking into Don's shell much harder than was an accident. Mikey limped by, muttering about rivers and good for nothing brothers. Don and Leo started to walk out, but a hand on Donatello's shoulder kept him from the sweet escape that he longed for. The water heater was on the fritz again, and he was determined to get it working for good this time. Besides, it would give him something to think about other than getting his shell knocked into the concrete.

Instead of blissfully losing himself to a project, he could only watch as Leo gave one last parting glance before leaving him alone with their father.

Little Donatello's stomach dropped as he waited for the chastizing to begin. Splinter's tone was even as he turned his son around to face him, though the child's eyes never left the floor. "Your brothers need to know that they can rely on you, Donatello. You must be there for them, under any circumstance."

The reply was mumbled, "I _am_ there for them, Master."

The hand on Don's shoulder was moved to lift the turtle's face up so that their eyes could meet. "That is not what I saw, my son."

Pain clouded the young eyes behind a wave of unshed tears. The response wasn't mumbled this time, but rather, full of conviction. "I _am_ there for them! Even now, if I could just go, I'm going to work on the heater so we'll all have hot water. Mikey got pneu...pneu...pneumonia last winter, and there's not much time before it gets cold again! That's for everyone! We'll need that before our lives will ever depend on getting from one side of the room to another."

Splinter was silent a few moments, allowing himself a four-fold breath to collect his thoughts. He placed his hand on Donatello's head in a gesture of comfort, calming the turtle. "I am impressed by your ingenuity, and it makes me proud that you use your gifts to improve the lives of others." Donnie blinked at the moisture in his eyes, the knot in his stomach loosening as his father spoke. "No one is accusing you of not caring for them. But the four of you must work together in all things. There was a clear direction, and you were expected to follow it with your brothers."

Splinter watched the cogs move as his son was no doubt going to argue his point further. The young voice sounded so disbelieving. "So if it leads to failure, I'm supposed to fail with them? Even if I know better?"

A hand was placed on each green shoulder, squeezing affectionately. "You must follow it, wherever it leads to. There is always room for hope, but only if you are there for one another. Failure is swift when you abandon them to their own fates." Splinter touched Donnie's face gently, urging his words to have an effect. "Even if there is pain ahead, you must face it with them. You must help carry them through it and make it out the other side. Together."

The dojo was quiet as the two stood there, out of words yet still feeling unfinished. Donatello shuffled awkwardly and Splinter withdrew, nodding toward the door. The turtle wasted little time in leaving, not even stopping to share in what was left of the snacks with his brothers. Given their anger with him, he doubted there was even anything left. The thought didn't bother him much, as all he really wanted to do was to disappear in the water closet for the rest of the night.

…..

A few hours had passed to find Donatello still in the closet. The water heater was practically fixed, but he wasn't yet ready to go out into the main area. With the restless melancholy of a child, he would charge the capacitor, then discharge it. Charge, then discharge. Charge, then discharge. So wrapped up in the collection and release of electrons, he visibly jumped at Leonardo's voice. "Hey, Donnie."

The purple masked turtle frowned, having just been busted in his hiding spot. Either Leonardo hadn't noticed the lack of productivity, or he was choosing to ignore it. Don suspected the latter of the two, as his brother tended to be pretty perceptive. "Hey, Leo."

Leonardo shuffled for a moment before sitting down indian style. He picked up a stray screw and toyed with it between his fingers, his eyes cast down as he tried to figure out what to say. Donatello beat him to it, however. "I'm sorry, Leo. I don't mean for anyone to get hurt." Don set the capacitor down and scooted around to face his brother. "It's just..." He hand wove through the air. "I don't like feeling like a failure. If something for sure isn't going to work, that makes me stupid for trying."

Leo shook his head. "No, it doesn't make you stupid Donnie. You're never stupid for sticking by us." Don's eye trailed back to the capacitor but snapped back as Leo placed a hand on his shoulder. "I promise to take the responsibility of the stupidity, okay?"

Don rolled his eyes and smirked in response. He gave a little shrug. "At least you try to have a plan. Even if it's not a good one."

Leo punched his brother's arm playfully, feigning insult. "Well, if Raph or Mikey rush in being stupid...they'll need us watching their backs, won't they?" Don nodded, the smirk slipping into a small smile. Leo wrapped an arm around Don's shoulder. "And if I'm the one dragging us into some kind of hopeless situation, I fully take the responsibility for the stupidity of it. Okay?"

Don shrugged under the weight of Leo's arm. "Yeah, yeah. We'll call it your fault if you want, Leo."

Leonardo gave him a friendly shake. "Good. 'Cause I need you at my side, bro. You better be there."

Don slipped out of his sibling's grasp to finally screw the capacitor in place, where it belonged. With his excuse to hide finished, he turned back to his lingering brother with a smile. "I'll be there, Leo. For better or for worse, I'll be there with you."


End file.
